Anger Inside

Recovery never ends and often, a tick or habit that begins after brain injury will continue to plague you, quite possibly, for the rest of your life.

I say that because one tick that has been hurting me for years, and is common among people who have suffered frontal lobe brain damage, is anger.  The anger can arise suddenly, striking like a viper and making one real back in a painful rage that lashes out, hurting others.

Sometimes, I blame my anger on my injury, but that is no excuse.

The damage is caused by me, not my injury.  The anger takes control of me in the present, not me at the time of my injury.  Any rage is my responsibility.

It’s easy to use the excuse, and I’ve done this at times, “Well, that’s my brain injury, I’m sorry but I can’t do anything about it.”  That’s bullshit. 

I call bullshit on myself, and anyone else who says that.  As survivors of brain injury we have been gifted a second chance at life and it is our responsibility to understand and tame any damning reminder of brain injury, regardless of the situation in life.  Any damaging, personal ticks come from any injury are still one’s personal responsibility.   Don’t ever believe otherwise.

That’s not to say we shouldn’t have help.  Friends, family members, trained professionals can all help a person with anger, and I encourage reaching out to all of these resources in a way that feels comfortable, but the responsibility for healing and managing personal dark spots is still on oneself.  Every person is a product of the things that happen to him or her, and to shun responsibility because of “this” or “that” excuse is not accepted, nor should it be.  As a survivor, we do not want to be defined by our injury, therefore, we should not try to use our injury as an excuse for our actions.

I recognize this isn’t always easy.  Brain damage does make it harder to control impulses and extreme reactions, but one’s goal, if he or she wishes to remain an active member of society, must be to temper and control these reactions to the best of one’s ability.


I don’t write this because of any recent incident - as time moves forward, I have found myself better able to control my anger, but there are still times when rage dominates me.  I can now see, my anger is a part of my history and does try to influence my contemporary self.  What’s important, however, is to not let this vice define me, but rather use it as an opportunity to grow.  There’s a dragon inside of me, but my goal is tame it instead of being burned by the flame.