Change

This entry takes a slight departure from the usual posting in that I’m going to write a little about what’s going on now in my life, as opposed to the past, yet the topic is still relevant when talking about TBI.


We are looking at change.

I have been living and working in South Korea for the past several years, and I am fortunate to be in a relationship with an amazing Russian woman, Anna, who I met here.  We have lived together for the past year, but recently (last Sunday) she had to return to Russia for financial reasons.  Our relationship has stayed strong and we will reunite and teach in China after I finish my current contract, but this situation has caused a big change.  I recognize this change is not terribly drastic - there are countless changes that have a far deeper effect on a person - but I find it interesting how this change makes me think on my time in early recovery from Brain Injury.

As we tumble like a rock through the avalanche of existence, we are inevitably going to be chipped and scratched along the way - events that change our surface, our very shape - yet we retain the essence of self.  As events hit, they can have a monumental effect on how one lives his or her life, and often these impacts seem negative, but by holding onto the essential truth of self-identity, one can change what begins as a negative experience and make it positive.


Before my accident, I had my life plan - I was going to be an actor.  I was good, probably not as good as I thought I was, but I had experience and was eager to learn more.  In my all the communities I was a part of, I was “Lethan the Actor”.  After my accident, however, I fell out of the theatre - my passion was drained and my self-criticism was rampant.  This twisted me in some weird ways - I remembered who I had been as an actor, and I wanted the consistency in self-identity, but I also wasn’t feeling committed to the stage.

This struggle with identity, though usually quiet, continued for years - my mind trying to squeeze back into the actor’s outfit, but never finding the right fit.  I knew I wanted something to do with performing, but was also learning that being an actor wasn’t the right path.  To deal with this dilemma, I pushed myself to open up my options, exploring Anthropology, Political Science, Music Theory, Creative Writing, Philosophy - and eventually discovering Storytelling.  Some may say that Storytelling is just like acting - that I never really left the stage - but I disagree.  Both are performance arts, but there is a significant difference in the delivery and composition and I could outline these differences in an essay, but I really don’t think that’s important here.  What is important is that I left myself open to change, and I’m grateful that the change has been in my life.  If I hadn’t had my brain injury, its possible that I would have remained on the actor’s path and may have even been successful - at times I still regret not feeling drawn to that path - but the life I remained open to gives me pride as a storyteller and I am thrilled to be exploring this less known art and seeing what I can make of it.

Bringing it back to my current change, life has caused my girlfriend and I to live a few countries apart.  This is not an easy separation and I am eager to be with her again, but my goal is to make the most out of this change.  The situation has changed, now its my job is to discover how I can make the most out of it.  That is the goal with any change - recognizing and embracing changes in situation that make us stronger and allow us to reach our fullest potential.  The accident disrupted my world, and I will never say the accident was a good thing, but by accepting change a unknown world opened up to me, and I am grateful for the life that came to me.